Lucy On Crack
by AlwaysNdForever
Summary: Fairy Tail wondered how long the couple would last and why they were together. One-shot collections of crack pairings with Lucy!
1. Contacts

**So like the summary says, this will be a one-shot collection of crack pairings with Lucy! This just means anyone x Lucy but Natsu, Gray, and Loke.**

**I'm taking requests, so just tell me who you would like next in the reviews!**

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_~Contacts~_

He watched her through his metal visor that covered his soul stealing eyes, _literally. _There she was, in all her cosplaying glory, sitting at the bar chatting aimlessly with Mirajane. He watched as she laughed, her caramel eye glistening.

Ever since the Fairy vs Fairy tournament, he had watched her, slowly falling in love with the girl. During the S-Class exams, when she beat him, his heart skipped a beat. Call him sadist or a masochist or whatever you want, but he loved when that girl defeated him and Freed. After the 7-year gap, he made it his duty to talk to the girl, teasing her in every way possible.

Then one night, while the guild was having a party, the two ended up kissing which led to making out. Of course they were both slightly intoxicated but they knew what they were doing. It didn't go any further than that though. Bixlow respected her too much. But it did lead to an embarrassing confession and the two ended up dating.

Dating her was like heaven to the soul possessing mage. She was funny, understanding, kind. He just wished he could do something for her but whenever he asked if she wanted something she would just laugh and say she was happy with what she had.

He remembered Evergreen teasing him after he had asked the blonde if she wanted something.

"You know, she says that but girls like seeing their lovers face when making love. Too bad you can't take off your visor without stealing her soul."

He often found his self apologizing, after that, since he always had to wear his visor but she would brush it off, saying she loved him they way he was. He was so deep in his thoughts he didn't notice his lover walking up to him.

"Helloooo?" She waved her hand in front of his face to catch his attention. He snapped out of his thoughts and gave his usual grin.

"What's up cosplay queen?"

She smiled at him before taking his hand in her's. "I have a surprise for you! Follow me!" She quickly pulled at his hand, leading him to a corner of the guild.

"Oh? Is it something sexy?" he asked seductively, ignoring the stares of the guild members. "I didn't realize you were into doing it in public!" he laughed. A tick mark appeared on the blonde's forehead.

"You wish!" She shouted, punching him in the arm. He just laughed and sat on the crates that rested in the corner.

"So what's the surprise?" he asked. She looked up at him, grinning.

"Here!" she shoved a gift wrapped rectangular box into his hand. Though she couldn't see it, he raised an eyebrow. "Open it!"

Hesitantly, he opened it. Inside where two white round cases connected to each other. On top of each was written 'L' and 'R'. He took the case out, popping open the top to find two dark red circles floating in solution.

"Happy birthday!" She shouted, throwing her hands in the air. He completely forgot it was his birthday. His heart rate sped up.

"Contacts?"

"Yeah," she smiled, bringing her hands down to her sides. "You're always apologizing to me about your visor. And I really don't mind it but you seem to… So I had a friend make these magic enhanced contacts! They'll stop your Figure Eyes from taking people's souls when you wear them" she grinned. "Try them." She closed her eyes to let him take off the visor.

He was speechless as put them in. How did he deserve such a girl? When the contacts were in, he blinked twice for his eyes to adjust.

"You can open your eyes," he whispered. And she did. Chocolate met dark red for the first time. She opened her mouth to say something but he quickly swooped down to capture her lips, taking her hands in his. She smiled in the kiss and he pulled away.

"I love you Lucy Heartfilia." Lucy gave a light laugh.

"I love you too." She whispered before giving him another kiss.

"Since it's my birthday, why don't we try something new?" he growled into her ear. She blushed furiously.

"PERVERT, LUCY KICK!"

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**So yes, it was Bixlow hehe. Who's next? Leave it in the reviews!**

**Also support my story 'That Girl'. (:**


	2. Sober

**Warning: Cussing.**

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_~..~..~..~Sober~..~..~..~_

It had been a normal day in Fairy Tail. Of course normal meaning crazy. But once the doors of the guild slammed opened revealing Bacchus from Quatro Cerberus, everyone froze. His dark eyes scanned the guild for his target.

There she was, her brown orbs glaring at him. She was obviously irritated with him, but he didn't care. The guild watched in shock as the blonde member stormed up to him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she growled. Woah. Here was Lucy of Fairy Tail standing up against an S-class mage. But that wasn't the surprise; she was a brave girl after all. The surprise was that she was talking to Bacchus! As far as everyone else knows, they never even met.

"I wanted to see you" he smirked down at the glaring girl. She barely reached his chest with her height.

"Oh?" Mira spoke up, giving that smile she gave when she was plotting. "Come in, come in!" she waved Bacchus over. The guild stayed silent.

"Mira n-" Lucy wanted to protest but the tall mage walked past her.

"Thank you Mirajane" he smiled and sat at the bar. Slowly, Lucy followed, sitting on her usual stool that was next to him. She eyed him suspiciously.

"Would like some beer?" the barmaid smiled politely, getting out a mug.

"No thanks" he replied. Mira frowned slightly and Lucy's eye furrowed. Bacchus wasn't one to turn down beer…

"Ah, well I'll leave you two to talk then!" she walked away to tend the other guild members, who recovered from the scene. Of course she didn't let go out of hearing range.

"What do you want?" Lucy frowned and turned her body towards his. "Ever since that day I helped you, you've been bothering me non-stop and now you show up at the guild?"

"I told you, the day you helped me was the day I fell in love." He smirked, turning to face her. "I mean it Lucy Heartfilia." His voice was low and husky. Lucy blushed, but shook her head.

"I said I wouldn't go out with a drunken old man." She sighed. Bacchus raised an eyebrow.

"Technically your 24. That means I'm not much older than you" he laughed. Lucy blushed again.

"T-that doesn't change the fact that you're always drunk" she splurted.

"I've been sober for a month now" he laughed again. His eyes suddenly grew serious and he took her small hand in his large one. "I want to be with you." The blonde's blush deepened.

"No you don't" she frowned, "You can't go with being sober for so long. Your magic and your style isn't at the fullest when you don't drink. And I don't want to be with someone that's always drunk."

"Then I'll find a way to work it out." He began to frown.

"You'll get bored of me. You just like me because I saved you from drowning. You'll figure out that I'm not a special person and that you wasted all your efforts on me."

"I won't."

"And how do you know you won't?"

"How do you know I will?"

Lucy was silent.

"I'm really serious about you Lucy. I want to be with you. I never made this much effort to be with a girl. They're usually just good fucks and I leave…but you… I don't want to just fuck you."

"That's kind of offending…" Lucy pouted and turned away.

"Th-that's not what I meant!" Bacchus panicked. "I mean you have a pretty face and a smokin' hot body. Of course I want to throw you on my bed and take you!" he blushed. "What the hell am I saying?" then she laughed.

"Okay…" she smiled at him.

"Okay?" he spluttered in surprise.

"Okay. One date. Then we'll see how it goes from there." Bacchus' face lit up.

"Yes!" He jumped out of his stool and grabbed her face. He gave her a kiss filled with happiness. "I won't disappoint you Lucy!" he grinned, leaving the blonde red.

"B-baka!" she shouted but he was already out the guild. Mira walked up to the celestial mage grinning.

"He's really good in bed… don't let it go to waste" she winked.

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**Ohh Mira haha. I imagine Lucy fainting after that! So I don't know Bacchus' age ._.**

**I used him, because out of all the reviews his name stood out. Hehe. But don't worry! I will fulfill your guys LaxLu RoLu and Sticy wishes too (:**

**Review! And Support That Girl! Also new GrayLu coming up soon! :D**


	3. Closet

**Warning: this is on the edge of M.**

~…~…~…~Closet~…~…~…~

How the hell did he, of all people, get stuck in a broom closet?

Well he knew how. It was all Levi's fault. He told her something he shouldn't have and she just had to go run her big mouth to all the females in the guild.

He was just innocently standing near the closet when before he knew it, he was shoved inside with a certain blonde mage. It was crowded, but why the hell wouldn't it be?

It was a broom closet for Mavis' sake! It was meant for brooms, and mops! Not two people, especially when one of them had ridiculously huge boobs. Too make matters worse they were pressed up against his chest.

"Gajeel…" her hot breath was on his collarbone. "Hold on…" he felt her arm reach into the air. Her thigh brushed against his man part, while her hand was touched his waist. Oh Levi was so dead to him.

"What the hell are you doing bunny girl?" He managed to let out as he felt her breasts rub up his chest.

"I'm trying to get the light," her breath was on his mouth now. He gulped. She was still rubbing against his area and he was finding it hard to control himself. "Got it!" he could feel her grin as she pulled the dangling chain. A dim light turned on making it easier for them to see.

It was a stupid idea. Now the iron dragon slayer was able to take in her appearance. From all the moving, her red v-neck had pulled down showing her lacy black bra. Her white skirt was rising up her left leg showing (does he dare say it?) the sides of black laced underwear.

She looked up at him, her brown orbs staring at his red face. She tilted her head innocently and gave a small pout.

"Are you okay Gajeel?" she asked sweetly. Gajeel gulped. He needed to get out of the damn closet or he was going to lose it.

He shouldn't have told Levi he started to like the celestial mage. He should have just kept it to himself. But he kept it in so long, he had to tell her. He needed to know how to get rid of the unwanted feelings. Truth be told, he was scared to like her. He nearly tortured her to death, and though they were friends now, one doesn't forget something like that. He felt like he didn't deserve her. He wasn't suited for her.

"Ne, Gajeel?" She shifted so now her hand was pressed between both their thighs. "I feel something…" she whispered, bringing her other hand to his face. Gajeel didn't say anything as ran her hand down his cheek. "You're really red… are you sick?"

Gajeel knew what she felt. Hell, she knew what she felt. She was just being a damn tease by moving so much.

"You want to know how to get rid of a fever quickly?" she purred, bringing both hands to wrap around his neck. He grunted, scared of the dangerous girl. She pulled herself up, so that their lips where almost touching. "Sweat it out." And she pulled him down roughly, smashing his lips to her.

She moaned as he gripped her hips, pulling her even closer. Their heated kisses led to Gajeel planting and sucking on her neck.

"Levi t-told m-meee" she moaned, rolling her hip into his. He only grunted in response, the pleasure of her rubbing against him was stopping him from processing words. "I like you too" she panted out. Gajeel froze, his heart soaring. He brought his head to her level and stared into her eyes. "I mean it." She whispered, kissing him again.

He brought his hand up, massaging her breasts. Her moans were covered by his mouth.

"Shit…" he breathed out. "It's too cramped in here" Lucy nodded in agreement, reaching for the door handle. She quickly turned it, pushing the door open.

"What the ?" The dragon slayer gave her a look. Lucy only shrugged and grinned

"It was unlocked the whole time…"

That damn Levi. Well maybe Gajeel did need to thank her…

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**So this was supposed to be a LaLu, but Gajeel fit the character more o:**

**Review! **


	4. Floor

**No warnings needed (:**

~…~…~…~…~Floor~…~…~…~…~

It was one of those rare times when the lightening mage wasn't on a mission. He treasured these moments the most, because it was the moments when he could spend time with his fiancée. It was night time and they were on her bed. She was fast asleep, snuggling into him as he pulled her close.

How did he get so damn lucky?

He admitted he was attracted to the celestial mage but he never thought he would fall in love. But after the tournament he soon began to admire her.

Under certain circumstances he began to talk to her. She was funny and kind. He understood why Natsu liked her so much. He would sometimes feel his heart race when she smiled at him, but Laxus was the type to ignore his feelings.

She confessed to him first. Of course he rejected her as he swam in the pool of denial. It took a lot for him to finally be honest with his feelings and it was hard to admit it to anyone. It was even harder to tell her after she got over him. The blonde girl would go on dates to get him off her mind and when she was finally getting over him, he had confessed. And of course she was hysterical.

This earned a beating from the entire guild (except the Rajinshuu). He took the beating though, not wanting the seriously injure someone. She ignored him for months but he kept insisting on dating. She finally gave in a year ago.

But their relationship wasn't perfect. He was jealous of the fire dragon slayer, especially knowing that the pink haired idiot used to fancy her. This would cause him and Lucy to argue. He would complain about Natsu always being in her bed and she would always tell him nothing was going on. They would argue about the same thing until Natsu finally thought of a solution.

The window to her apartment slowly opened, letting a cool breeze in. Already knowing who it was, Laxus didn't bother getting up.

He watched as the figure closed the window and walked towards the bed, a flying cat behind him. Slowly, he got to the other side of Lucy. He carefully crawled in next to her, putting his hands against her back. His breaths were steady and he gave her a powerful push.

_Crash!_

"WHAT THE HELL NATSU!" brown eyes snapped opened as her body crashed into something solid. Underneath her was the lightening mage (who was probably laughing on the inside). When she didn't get an answer from her partner she huffed. She rolled off her lover, landing on the cold floor.

"You okay?" his rough voice asked her. She rested her head on his arm and curled into his.

"Yeah… I'm just tired of having to sleep on the floor."

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**Too short? Hehe. So this was my LaLu! I can imagine Natsu being unwilling to give up Lucy's bed so he would push her off as a solution!**

**I hope you enjoyed!**

**A lot of people are asking for StiCy and RoLu but I keep seeing some names that would make an interesting crack pairing. Im trying to fit majority vote in first but im really anxious to write other pairings ;A;**

**Anyways. Support Secret Otaku and That Girl!**

**Review please? (:**


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